


Love in Death, and Death in Love

by 13thDoctor



Category: The Following
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Choking, Established Relationship, M/M, Murder, Rough Sex, suffocation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 11:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13thDoctor/pseuds/13thDoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Jacob kills Paul, he reflects on their past relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love in Death, and Death in Love

**Author's Note:**

> The reflections are in italics, and the present moments are normal. This is un-beta'd, so sorry for any mistakes.

_Paul's hands were soft._

_Jacob hated that he noticed that. He hated that he thought about that. Even as they pretended for Sarah, for Joe, even though he knew it wasn't real, he thought about it._

_The first time Jacob had noticed those beautiful hands, it had been an accident. They were pretending, their heartbreaking dance of fake touches and kisses that did more to both of them than they cared to admit. They were back in their apartment after movie night, and Paul had almost drowned himself in wine. He tiptoed behind Jacob and slipped his hands under his t-shirt, chuckling lightly. Then he proceeded to engage in the most childish attack of tickling Jacob had ever fallen victim to. It was the first time Jacob had let Paul touch him outside of Sarah's eyesight. After the laughter was over, and they had tackled each other to the floor, Paul's hands had lingered on Jacob's bare skin. Their shirts had been discarded in the fray; Jacob pretended not to notice. And Jacob let him hold him, those soft hands rubbing patterns in his flesh until they fell asleep._

As Paul's hands reached for his, as they held their fingers in one tight fist and he asked Jacob to kill him, he realized that they were hot and rough. He almost cried for that absolute wrongness.

"You can do this," Paul whispered. His words were shaky, the sound scraping out, barely audible, hidden behind his labored breathing. "It's perfect." He reached up to grasp Jacob's collar, and the man responded by letting his head drop so that Paul was holding his neck. He ignored how warm the hands were, how unnatural the heat was.

"I don't want to." His voice was dry and raw, the tears breaking it with cracks and forced breaths.

He was on top of Paul, staring at him with anguish and panic. His best friend's own look was devoid of fear; his eyes held only love for the man before him. Paul's hands caressed Jacob's neck soothingly, and the brunette let loose a short, ragged sob as an echo of their old feeling came to him.

_The second time Jacob had let himself notice Paul's hands was the first incident that they were never supposed to talk about. He liked to blame it on missing Emma- a withdrawal from sex, he used to say- but they both knew that that was a lie. Paul always called him a liar.  
_

_He'd lied so much.  
_

_It was easy, that moment. Paul had returned from a particularly rough day and was fuming. They fought, as they usually did when Paul was upset and Jacob was in denial. Short fuses and tension make for one brilliant explosion. Before he knew it, Paul had him pressed up against the wall, hands on his throat. They were soft, so soft, uncharacteristically so for a killer. They were lover's hands, smooth and kind and in no way evil. They pressed down so hard, with vehemence charged by everything buried beneath the surface. Jacob wondered if he let him suffocate him if all the secrets would finally come spilling out of his wicked, lying mouth.  
_

_"Paul," Jacob croaked. The other man's hands were so tight, dragging the oxygen from Jacob's lungs until breathing burned. He was grimacing, locked in the rush and concentration of death.  
_

_"You're killing me."  
_

_Paul released him quickly, letting him slide down the wall as he gasped. He joined him a moment later, his face contorted with guilt. Purplish bruises were already beginning to form where he had pressed his unforgiving fingers. Without warning, and with disregard to Jacob's mumbled, "Leave me alone," Paul slid his thumb over each mark, suddenly gentle. Each soft movement sent a tingle all the way through Jacob's spine.  
_

_Jacob bared his neck, and Paul replaced his hand with his lips. Jacob reacted immediately, grabbing a fistful of Paul's hair and dragging him over his own body. Paul smirked into his skin, incisors ghosting over his brand. He didn't control himself with Jacob; he didn't need or want to and he was tired of hiding his desires anyway.  
_

_The sex was rough and loud, messy and violent, and there was no kissing on the mouth. Jacob had established that rule when they first moved in together. The charade couldn't do without it, but their private relationship could. No, kissing would ruin them, kissing would make it real, and Jacob would never let it be real. Paul would just have to accept that and move on when he finally had to.  
_

_And when it was over, and they came with shudders and hissed, incoherent messages, Jacob laid underneath Paul's body and intertwined their hands.  
_

_He did not let go.  
_

"You owe me," Paul growled. "You owe me. I know you can do it." He licked his lips, attempting to rid them of their roughness.

Jacob nodded heavily, the memories of their time together coming in short, sharp images as he picked up the pillow.

 _Paul's hands as they pulled playfully at Jacob's waistband, his eyebrows raised flirtatiously even when Sarah was nowhere to be seen. His hands the first night they kissed when they were alone, brushing over Jacob's face so hungrily and yet, so adoringly. His hands the first night Jacob let Paul inside of him, so gentle and promising, guiding him through pain that quickly transitioned to pleasure. His hands the first time they made love, exploring his favorite parts of Jacob's body as they made promises to each other that they knew would never be kept._ _  
_

Paul stared straight at him, gaining one last surge of strength before it was over. "I love you."

Jacob threw the pillow over his face and pressed down with all his might.

_Paul's hands on the corners of his mouth, prying it open so he could have his way. Paul's hands when he was angry and Paul's hands when he was not. The way they carried and felt Jacob, like he was the most important human in the world. The way they made and broke lives, how they loved someone who was too scared to love back._

YOU OWE ME. The words burned across his vision, filled in with red, then black, then nothing. He stared at the corpse, the sobs falling freely, and screamed. He was shaking as he leaned down, pressing a distraught, terrified kiss to his lover's forehead.

Paul's hands were soft.

And now they were cold.


End file.
